in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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