We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
