He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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