so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
