shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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