I need to stop coming to work sober
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
