in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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