textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
