I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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