ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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