The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
