plz talk dirty to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
