everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
