Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
