you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
