You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
