I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
