I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
