I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize