you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no you cant smoke seaweed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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