it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
