I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
