Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
