so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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