just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
