oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
