I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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