Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
