If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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