It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
