I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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