Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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