someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
