the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
