Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
