Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
