No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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