We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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