Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
