FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
