You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
