Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
