If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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