i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
