I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
