As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
