i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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