absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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