I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
