just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
