i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
