And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize