everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
