Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
pray to the hookup gods
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize