Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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