So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
