It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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