True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
