i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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