the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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