worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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