She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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