I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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