I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
