Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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