It's Friday. Sex?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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