My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
