I could have mohawked her pubes.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
