what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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