sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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