atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize