I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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