You don't have asthma, your pregnant
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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