I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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