batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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