girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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