Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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