He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
