last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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