I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
