STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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