I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
