I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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