I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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