East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
