Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
