Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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