your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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