He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
