I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
