took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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