Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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