carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
