if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
