i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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