Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
