Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
