I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
