So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
