Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
