I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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