Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
