Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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