So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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