Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
