i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
