Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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