When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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