At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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