I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
