I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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