you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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